How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
