i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
