he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think my moral compass just broke
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
