Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
