Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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