Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Terrible idea I love it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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