so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
