New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Randomize
