Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
