We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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