I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
