i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
