he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
