I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
