I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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