we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My pussy is not your playground.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
