oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
