He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
