it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
