I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
