Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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