she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
