it wasn't lemon gatorade
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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