I can't watch pbs sober anymore
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
