She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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