Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
