I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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