You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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