I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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