You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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