you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
