I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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