So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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