I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
