i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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