I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
