I need help removing her.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
