Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
