Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
