I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
