whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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