So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
