I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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