he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So squirting runs in the family.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
