I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
