i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just want to make out with him forever
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I forget how to act sober
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