ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
