drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
