I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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