return my video game
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
